Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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