just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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