Betty ford says i'm here all night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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