God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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