I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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