i just had sex bonerless
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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