I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
