i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
