ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
