He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
