smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
