oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
