dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Floor bacon is actually really good
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
