I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wish there were birth control emojis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
