How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He shit in the fireplace
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
