I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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