woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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