I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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