don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
