she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
