TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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