Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
