the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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