I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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