At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Found the puke drawer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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