Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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