I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
