oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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