just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
