A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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