Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
