DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
