This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
