I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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