Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
