so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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