The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
