Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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