Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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