im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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