You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
