"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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