did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
