I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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