New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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