He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
