Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
