you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
