i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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