im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
