It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
