shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
