I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
