just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Congratulations! We have a period
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
