You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
