We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
