I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
