i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
