i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
