You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
