i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
