Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
