bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
