i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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