you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.