so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall