I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in