The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!