this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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