five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
