I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick