Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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